It Is Apparent That I Have A Stalker

Headbutt.

A bit of backstory...Jess and I are at the local grocery store getting stuff to make strawberry shortcake and cereal (not to be eaten together). While in the cereal aisle, I put down our container of strawberries on a box of cereal. Apparently this is when chaos decided to rear its head.

A man was standing near my strawberries. I looked in his general direction, only to make sure of one thing: do not take my strawberries weird man. I go over to retake control of my strawberries, when this man starts talking to me.

And continues to keep talking to me.

Good Lord, is he still talking to me??

He wants my number to meet up for coffee. Since I have become apparently quite terrible at breaking people's spirit (Josh Wander, what have I become?), I oblige. As soon as Jess and I are in the car, I change his name to "do not answer."

This was not the fix I imagined it to be.

Tonight, while waiting for a very important call, I get one from a number that I do not know. Upon answering, imagine my surprise...

It's the weird man.

This time I lied and said I was in Denver for two weeks. I am not in Denver. I am far from Denver. But if this keeps me away from the weird man, so be it. If he calls back again, I'm feigning muteness.

I always imagined my stalker would be cute and a brunette. And not male.

Can I send this one back and get a new one?

K bye.