We Can Form a Moped Gang And Call It Salt And Pepper, Since We Both Like Salt And Pepper On Our Fries

Headbutt.

Let's get this out of the way: the countdown's been set to Yogi Berra.

First things first: how does she do it?

I've come to a lot of realizations in my life. I'll never get the chance to play center field for the Yankees. I will always have a lazy eye in most pictures. However, one of the most important realizations I've had is that my mom is ALWAYS right. It doesn't matter the subject or the advice, she will inevitably be right.

I used to ask my mom for advice, mostly about girls (because she is a girl and all, and has some insight into their mysterious thinking and culture. I say these phrases are different words for "complete insanity", but I digress). Whatever advice my mother gave, I would always go completely against it, thinking, "this is gonna be the time that mom has no idea what she's talking about. I can't lose."

I always lost.

As I progress in years, I've come to learn that whatever my mother says, I should follow. For instance, she told me not to get that Burmese tiger a few weeks back. The tiger went on a rampage and destroyed half of Kuala Lumpur, so it looks like I made a good deal on that one.

Now, there are times when she might try to talk me out of something, like when I was contemplating buying that sweet bike to take over some jumps. I look at these moments as merely a test, with her wanting to see for herself the strength of my convictions. What do my convictions say?

I have finally not lost.

Either that or thank god baseball season is back. How I've missed you so.

K bye.