The Final Goodbye

Headbutt.

First things first: I don't know where that crazy English minstrel came from, but thank god he's gone. It was getting really damn annoying, plus that story had gone on for way too long. Three weeks?? It needed to get finished and over with. Is this an apology by any means? No. You can't tell me what to do, you aren't my mom (unless my mom does happen to be reading this right now, in which case, well, you get the idea...)

And let's get this out of the way: I got nothin'.

Yes, that's right, I got nothin'. Completely out of ideas. The well's dry. I never wanted this to turn into a "here's what I did today, I ate my cereal, doot do do..." kind of page, because that sucks. Why would you want to know what kind of cereal I ate in the morning?

Or did you already know that I don't eat cereal?

Touche.

Anyway, I've tried to provide you with insight into life. Give everyone a laugh. Show you some crazy weird pictures. Maybe make you think for 3 seconds before your brain died. Well, I can't do that for you anymore. I just don't have it in me. My drive is gone. My desire, my penchant for the insane, the wacky, disappeared. I can't do what I used to be able to do so well: provide a zinger every now and then, lay down a sac bunt with less than two outs, walk without tripping over my own two feet. You know, the little things.

I'm sure there will be others to come along and take my place. People that are more capable of what I used to be able to do so well: rock your socks (and shoes) off.

That is why I have decided to announce my retirement. Please, I know this comes as a shock to at least one of you, but you must understand. I can't keep doing this forever. I need time to spend with my wife and my kids. Appreciate the little things in life. Get a holistic medicine degree. Stuff like that.

I leave you, one last time, with these final words...

K bye.