So About Those Keys...

Headbutt.

Let's get this out of the way: blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

There has been a certain amount of malaise when it comes to writing these things again. Ideas are at an all-time low. Something pops into my head, but I can never get it to pan out the way I want or it just kind of fizzles and sucks. Then I'll have a great idea, write everything out, and it will get deleted (curse you Berkley!) for no reason. Start stop start stop, it's no way to write, because the end product doesn't become what you had envisioned in your mind.

Some of you out there might think that the process is simple:
1) sit down at keyboard
2) type about any random thing, making it very weird in the process
3) find some pictures online, and insert
4) light victory cigar and wait for the praise to come rolling in

The thing is, it's not that easy. Each one of these posts is very carefully crafted. All of the dwarves, the elves, the little men that steal my ideas in the night, the Miltons (you're welcome) are well-developed, thought-out characters with backstories, feelings, emotions and such. The seeming randomness that is associated with each one is exactly the opposite; it's the product of minutes of careful thinking and plotting. You have no idea how often I think things like, "you know, [insert favorite character] walking around with a billy goat on a rope with a jug of pink lemonade around his neck just doesn't fit into his aura."

Having these characters means having continuity. I can't just mention the dwarf in my TV or his cousin, the gnome that makes the Snapple cap button sound for the blinker in my car, and then have that be it. (By the way, the dwarf in the TV has acquired a new home, but I'll tell you about that later.) Continuity means that writing becomes more and more serious, links harder to find, and everything just takes more time. The wackiness and randomness become controlled, which is both a blessing (since it allows me to claim that I am partially sane) and a curse (since it allows me to claim that I am partially sane).

In addition to all of this hardship with character development and creativity, the gags must stay sharp, stay fresh. The whole idea of this is built on being one huge inside joke, which is then broken up into lots of smaller inside jokes between multiple people. But maintaining these insiders, keeping them fresh, evolving them into the cultural phenomenons that they are becoming takes gentle nuturing. For instance, the headbutts that I always give you are only understood by maybe 4 people. You are not meant to be like my niece and headbutt everything in sight. It's a fine line between pop culture and rampaging gag gone horribly wrong.

So what does this all mean in the long run? It means that I am hiring a co-writer. With two (or more) people, ideas will flow more freely, the writings will become more frequent, and the saga will continue forever. Of course, you will get paid nothing for this job, be forced to post under an alias, and be forced to subsist on a diet of lemon meringue pie, but it could be worse.

You could be turning the color wheel in the TV.

K bye.